Dunning-Kruger Effect

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Definition: “A phenomenon where people with little knowledge or skill think they know more or have more skill than they do. This occurs while simultaneously overlooking and/or underestimating the knowledge and skills of those involved in the task at hand” [Urbandictionary.com]

For years and years I thought I knew how love felt, the emotion, adrenaline and commitment of it all. I thought and wrote about what I knew, which my naïve mind thought understood everything about relationships, all from premature feelings and lived adventures, when in reality, I knew nothing at all. I went through a “Dunning-Kruger” phase thinking I was ready to live with someone, never having done that in the past.

I had this dreamlike notion of what love would make me feel, of what love was to trigger inside of me and what I was certain to feel forevermore once I found it. Now, having lived with him for almost a year, I realize how much easier it is to be selfish and to only think for yourself and your well-being. Love can bring you to your happiest and darkest place and as our first anniversary of living together nears, I have begun to reflect on everything we’ve gone through.

The writings I have from previous years, even when I was non-committed or by myself still hold whole-hearted truth to what I felt in those moments, but none compare to the heightened emotions and genuine love I have for this human being that decided to share his entire life and heart with me. It has taken me months to realize that, as humans, we can be incredibly greedy and if not careful we sabotage our own relationships, all because we find it too hard to follow a one-way street or instead looking for a shortcut.

I have never felt more comfortable to share my life with him; he knows about my childhood, knows about the sadness I faced during my parents’ divorce years ago, knows that I am stubborn and if it was up to me I would be far away from here writing a book by the beach. Though my reality is far from a beach, I would not be going through it with anyone else. I chose him for his heart and for always being true to our love and us. And that is priceless beyond compare.

So I bite my tongue for all the times I said love is easy or not complicated- it will always be hard and complicated because we care, because we fight being selfish, because we love someone else more than we could ever imagine, because it’s not that we cannot live without each other, but rather we choose to go through this crazy life with someone else by our side.

I have always believed that we don’t choose how or whom we fall in love with, but we do choose whether or not to move forward or simply walk away from that love. Now that is the only choice we have in the matter, the rest is up to the love gods, the air, the universe or who you choose to believe in. Once you have made that choice, choose wisely, do not “Dunning-Kruger” it, know what you are going in for, do not pretend to know it all or to be a relationship expert. Be prepared to cry and laugh, to be honest and to accept that you do not have the answers and know that you are both in it for the long run, even if it takes failed attempts, disagreements and tears. The importance is not what you want to portray to the world as a couple, but rather the real emotions behind the love. He makes me laugh until I snort and he has seen me cry like never before and that is okay, I want him to know me at my best and at my worst. We know why we found each other and that is the most peaceful feeling you could ever have.

-CSV

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Lili Ochoa says:

    Cynthia just an FYI that I randomly read your blog and so far everything I have read is so amazing! I was telling Alan that if you ever wrote a book I would soooo buy one! I really truly think you are an amazing writer!

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