LEAP

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Nothing in this life happens by coincidence; our lives are premeditated and predetermined as soon as we take that first breath.

No leap of faith goes unnoticed either and this past leap of faith that I so explicitly took has led me to believe that you came to me in that dream for a specific purpose; if only I knew the reason why I need to keep you around.

As humans we can be overly impatient and want results immediately, whether we are waiting for that kiss that will give us the answer we have longed for weeks, or a job offer that will allow us to keep writing our futures; we seek control and when we don’t have it, we lose it.

We always want to anticipate our futures, own a crystal ball to tell us what will become of us, yet knowing it all at times is not what we ultimately desired. I may not want to know how I ended up at that place or why with that individual, but I want to arrive at that moment and think:

<All those years that I searched and traveled in the limbo of confusion and frustration were all worth it because I ended up in front of you, just me and my baggage, so you could help me carry it all>

I am analytical and when it comes to love, my weaknesses are all too evident; I am a hopeless romantic who tries to be realistic but have been all too spoiled with reading magical realism so I make a dream of any situation. The only problem is that the advice I give my friends works on them and not me. I remind myself that we are all different and when it comes to relationships, bonds, acquaintances, friendships, or a transient sort of love, our realities and expectations can become blurred. I am an open book so I expect him to be the same way, not knowing where he is coming from or what has shaped him to be this interesting individual who I’m drawn to.

The dream that you so conveniently appeared in seemed like a premonition, a moment in time that we are to share and this one seemed all too real. I took this giant leap of faith and looked for you, not realizing that the feelings may never be reciprocated, not knowing that you might already have your life planned out where I may not fit or ever become a part of.

As I was putting my nephew to sleep this past Saturday I thought of his tiny mind, processing all the sounds and images he makes out. I realized that at this early stage he can barely see who is in front of him; he only smiles when he recognizes a familiar voice or something that brings warmth and serenity to him.  I wanted to be him for a second and start fresh, and appreciate someone not by what they look like but what they contribute in my life; I want someone who genuinely cares for me, where I’m headed if I am headed to the same place where he is. I want him to hold my hand and tell me to go with him, wherever that may be.

 No leap of faith goes unnoticed, whether the outcome is what you expected or not, the results will either reinforce your path or teach you where you should be headed. So leap, take as many chances, for those experiences are what shape your identity and how far you are willing to go to know your true self. Speak the truth of who you are and all that you have to offer; love is but a breath away when you are only yourself.

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