I wish I could show you in person how much you’ve affected my life. My wishful thinking takes me on a magical realism ride everyday that my mind wanders into the future and all the possibilities that we could have together. Like a Gabriel Garcia Marquez novel, the most fictitious and fantasy-driven dreams seem like a concrete possibility, all because I can hear your voice over the phone and know that you are still there.
Last night’s conversation, although suddenly interrupted by technology, or lack of technology in this case, should have happened over pillow talk, with the lights off as you wonderfully pictured it. It felt like I was there next to you, as we laughed about absurd comments we make: “Chileans are known for our salvatruchas?” I bit my tongue, and then realized it was you I was talking to and burst out laughing. I had meant to say sea bass, but then who cares anymore, I did not have to say anything at all, knowing you were on the other end of the line made my night. Making plans about seeing each other sometime soon made this feeling all too palpable and real.
My friend Ali and I were talking on the phone nights ago and I listen to how she describes her feelings towards others and her doubts whether she likes or loves someone and so on. All I could tell her is that if you are asking yourself whether you like or love someone, the odds are that you do love that person; the real question to ask yourself is how much you love them.
If there is ever a moment of hesitation, it should only be because you are not loving them enough.
That is how I measure my feelings towards someone. We are capable and allowed to love more than once and more than one person at a time; we have countless friends whom we connect with and beautiful friendships that we don’t foresee ending anytime soon. I know I love my family and with the same intensity love you. I wish I could love you more or show you in person, squeeze the living daylights out of you.
Soon, my friend, soon.