Epiphany

If there is a word that I can confidently say I live by is : Epiphany. Years have gone by since I decided that the meaning of that word would rule the decisions I make in my life. Year after year I am faced with contradictions and inner dilemmas feeling consumed by confusion but my epiphanies always arrive on time to give me the sense of clarity I was searching for.

If I remember correctly, the first time I used the word was to impress a boy I really liked. Believe it or not, he is still in my life, just not near me like I would want him to be. Once upon a time I was eighteen-years-old and going through my poetry phase. This specific boy came into my life and awoke the romantic in me.  He introduced to me the love and appreciation of literature.  Months after developing what is now a beautiful friendship my first epiphany told me that I was settling for someone I was not in love with, because of what this boy taught me and made me feel. Through this first moment of clarity I learned that loving and being in love with someone are two different emotions. Making that first decision based on my epiphany, of feeling a different kind of love towards someone I was not in a relationship with, awoke a different side of me. Months later, I waited for an epiphany to reach him, to tell him that I was the right person for him, but it never came. Ever since then, I have gone through relationships but I will never forget that first boy that inspired me to be true to myself and do what I love. He showed me the classics section at Barnes & Noble and quoted Pablo Neruda’s Sonnet XV over text messages.  It is because of him that I came to love the meaning of epiphanies and the clarity and peace they brought into my life.

Two Wednesdays ago, the weather was perfect and a mild breeze brought me an epiphany: it was time to grow up and be alone without feeling lonely. It was time to act and not speak. I drove to a tattoo parlor with one of my best friends and finally got the wrist tattoo I had been wanting for years. Of course, to commemorate and sort of excuse the way I lead my life, I got “epiphany” tattooed on my left wrist. It is a daily reminder of all the epiphanies that have brought me to this present moment. I have always acted on the epiphanies that have come my way, regardless of the outcome being something positive or negative. They present themselves in all forms: have it be a tear, an action or a simple thought, that moment of realization, that you cared more than you initially thought about someone, or that you said the wrong thing, perhaps that the timing wasn’t right. Epiphanies are my wake up call to not be still and move on to the next chapter in my life.

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