“If I am really a part of your dream, you’ll come back one day.” – Paulo Coelho
I should have said so many things to him that last minute I saw him. I could have said to him that he is the ideal man for me even though I know right now is not possible (if there is ever a chance). I could have told him that I will miss him because not only do I obviously like him but he became a friend. I could have told him that he has a Colgate smile that I will never erase from my mind. Saying that goodbyes are hard is an understatement.
I was at work when I received a text message from him asking to hang out. I had just gotten off from work, exhausted and my mind was preoccupied with school assignments and outlines to study. It was his last night in Dallas and nothing was going to stop me from seeing him one last time. Needless to say I was flattered that he wanted to say goodbye.
I headed home, changed, touched-up my make-up and drove half an hour to the bar he wanted to meet at. On my way there, I was trying not to think about the circumstances of the night but I could not help but think that I might never get to see him again. What are the chances that he will fly to Dallas if he is not coming for business anymore? Zero.
The usual group was there: his Asian friends and myself. Looking at it from the outside, I am the odd one out in that I am always the non-Asian hanging out with them. Haha! I deserve major props for that! (Just Saying). The night was fun, as usual, taking shot after shot of a Korean Liquor. We were all in a state of bliss and laughter. As the night progressed, melancholy set in. I don’t know if it was the liquor combined with my hormones and PMSing but I felt him slipping away. I wanted to stop time and delay the goodbye.
After taking pictures and cracking up jokes, it was time for me to drive home. I said good bye to the group and walked outside. There we were: standing next to my car hugging for what felt like forever. Oh how good forever felt! We engaged in small talk until one of us had to bring up whether he was ever going to be back.
“This is not the last time I’ll see you”, he said.
I hugged him again, made a joke to cover up the immense sadness that was taking over every nerve in my body. I got in my car, put it in reverse and what felt like a movie, I watched him smile from my rear view mirror as I drove away. I held the tears back as much as I could but as soon as I got on the highway, tears simultaneously started to stream down my face. What followed was even worse. I was sobbing and the tears were keeping me from seeing the road clearly. I had no idea how much I had come to care for him. Yes, of course I like him. Although I did not get to kiss him or anything physical aside from his amazing hugs, it was beyond that. I could care less that I didn’t get involved with him romantically. Instead, I got an amazing connection with a perfect stranger. The songs playing in the radio while this was going in my mind were no help at all. All the depressing songs were playing which added to my emotional mess at the moment.
In my state of tipsyness and vulnerability I texted him a very heart-felt goodbye. I am going to believe him that I will see him again.
Until we meet again…