“The One”

Soulmate: the one and only other half of one’s soul. 

Throughout our lives we have been told that there is ONE person out there for us that we will find and end up with. Eventually, as years go by, we realize that there might not be just one person meant for us, which is what we like to call “dating”. As I browsed through all kinds of men in the past year and a half or so, I came to terms with the fact that there are roughly 6 billion people in the world and out of all those people we are destined to find at least one person whose feelings are reciprocated and we fall in love with. Is there such a thing as a soul mate? If I think I found the right person, how do I know if I’m not settling for just a person I like rather than a person I love, in fear of never finding the “one”? If I do settle down with someone, am I missing out in finding the one I can’t live without?

Is is too bizarre to think that we can find someone whose interests, morals and feelings match to ours? For the past year and a half or so I have gone on several dates; some were horrid and some were quite good. One of my dates involved a bar tender who wore a “Scooby Doo” t-shirt to our date, which is the reason why I deleted his number as soon as he dropped me off at home. Need I say more? Then there were good dates but the guy was not ready for any sort of commitment, as though they had never heard the word before.

I remember growing up watching Dawson’s Creek (technically speaking, the best portrayal of teen angst). As I watched Dawson’s Creek, I was enamored with the idea of soul mates, like Joey and Dawson. Consequently, as the seasons of the show went by, the viewer, in this case me, realizes that although they are soul mates, at the end Joey picks Pacey. That was the moment that I realized, no matter how strongly you feel towards someone, and although you might feel like that one person is your soul mate, we might discover that we were mistaken about who we thought to be our perfect other half.

Finding the one takes a lot of time; we go through crappy dates and we put ourselves in awkward, at times vulnerable situations to realize that after all, the “one” person that is meant for us might already be taken and with the wrong half. In that case, am I settling myself up for disappointment by dating someone who I know is not my soul mate? Also, am I allowed to change my mind and think that the person I thought to be my other half, ends up not being the “one” after all?

I have come across guys in my life who are all very different. They all have different morals, taste in music, different upbringings, etc, but undeniably have caught my eye for a reason or two. Evidently, the one person we can not live without is beyond reasons such as what they wear, their physical appearance or their IQ level: the one will inspire you to be you and only you. When you find the one you can confidently say you want to grow old next to, you will feel like your other half has arrived. The concept of soul mates was introduced to us to explain the phenomenon and the abstract concept of love and to put a name to the craziness that we feel and experience when we have found the right person for us. Have I come across my soul mate yet? Truthfully, I do not know. At times I think I have and when I look back at him  and all he made me feel, I sure hope he is not, because he is not with me. So, I will keep choosing to ignore that he might have been it, and I will go after the one that I will complete. I want to be someone’s soul mate in hopes that he will prove me wrong and make me believe that I do have a half waiting for me to arrive.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Sarah Hall says:

    This is a great post!! I wonder this all the time, and have been having issues with the guy I was with the last few years because I do love him, but like you said, I wonder what kind of love it is. It’s so scary to commit fully to someone when you aren’t sure if they are “the one” or if that idea of “the one” even exists. it’s all so confusing!!! you are a smart cookie though :)

  2. kbragg says:

    Waiting for “the one” will leave you a lonely woman in her 40’s with only her cat to share her bed with. It’s best to choose a mate with whom you have similar interests, values, are compatible with and who you are physically attracted to. Feelings fade. People grow and change. You need more than a whimsical ideal of a soul mate to build a life on. Billions of people on the planet. What if your so called soul mate is in China and 20 years younger than you. What if he’s short, fat, and ugly? What if he’s broke? Already married? Divorced and currently hating women? If you look at other cultures around the world they have love too but also a much lower divorce rate. Funny how the West is so caught up on the ideal of a soul mate yet has the highest divorce rate in the world.

    And being practical doesn’t mean giving up on love and feelings, It means being wise when making a decision on who you want to spend your life with, have children with, build a family with. I was 22 once and I too blew off the advice of older women as “bitter” and “old” school but you know what? They were right and I didn’t know everything like I thought (but didn’t think I thought lol) I did.

    Marriage is work. It’s not like a cutsy chick flick where they live happily ever after. Show a movie with that couple 10 years from now….nobody will watch it LOL! If you really want to know about having a lasting marriage, find an old couple that’s been married 30 years or more and listen to what they have to say. Because the world will have you chasing for soul mates and in the end you’ll end up either divorced, bitter, on alone.

    But most of all…GIRL you are only 22!!!! Enjoy your freedom now! Build your career, enjoy having a hot bod (because unless you have killer genes kids will wreck it LOL!), going out when you want with whom you want without having to run it by someone. Enjoy being independent, because before you know it–it will be gone and if you lose it too young you will regret it which will have an impact on whomever you marry and the dynamics of the relationship.

    And don’t take advice from other single girls LOL! Biggest mistake I ever made! Only take advice from those who are where you want to be and go the opposite direction of those who are not.

    Ok now please me a run on sentence reward LOL!.

  3. Anonymous says:

    Dang kass write me a novel lol I know what youre trying to say, thanks for your input: all I was trying to convey was that I am not fully sure soulmates exist, in that case I will wait for the right person and not just someone that looks or feels convenient… And in regards to taking advice from single women, youre a bit mistaken, I dont choose my friends based on their relationship/marital or availability status, I listen and take their advice bc theyre there for me genuinely :)

  4. kbragg says:

    I did write a novel LOL! No I did not mean only be friends with people of certain relationship statuses at all! What I meant was of course you can learn from everyone but sometimes wisdom comes from experience. I love my single friends dearly, but if I took relationship advice from a lot of them I’d be single LOL! It’s like taking advice on what stock to invest in from someone who’s never even bough stock or worst, has a track record of losing money in the stock market. A lot of times single people haven’t been through the trenches (I’m speaking of single as in only very light relationships, nothing deep as of yet) of a relationship to give sound advice on a situation. Or parenting advice. I’m personally not likely to take advice on how to raise my kids from someone who’s never had them or spent any length of time around them, or worse someone who’s kids hate them. KWIM?

    If Josh and I have a fight and I vent to a single friend she’s likely to say “Giiiirl you need ta leave him!” Whereas a married friend would advice me to work on our communication skills. It’s just about experience. It seems harsh but trust me when I say my single friends have given me BAD relationship advice. Why? When you’re single you’re single minded whereas someone who is in a long term relationship has a bit more insight. But NEVER dump your friends unless they’re toxic. Good friends are like precious jewels, Hard to come by and worth holding on to:)

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