Ready or Not,Epiphanies Will Come…


“Countless as the sands of the sea are human passions”- Nikolai Gogol

We think we know what we want; instead we know what we don’t want. I met a man not long ago and he taught me the following: I thought I was ready to commit, instead he showed me how fearful I was about the concept. Maybe is not commitment I’m running away from, but rather committing to the wrong person. He was a great man: honest, respectful and genuine. Why did I let him go? I was not the right person for him. How do I know this? Because although he sounds amazing on paper: great qualities, a promising future, etc, I was not drawn to him emotionally. Am I fool? No, I made the right decision. I was not going to waste his time or mine. I’m sure with time I could’ve overlooked the emotional part, but eventually it would have faded and we would’ve ended a relationship that had no roots to begin with.

How do we know we are meant for each other? Are we ever ready to commit to the right person for us? I’m still in the search for the right man for me. I am not looking for a super hero or a model. Is it too much to ask for not only the qualities of what we are looking for but also the emotional and physical attraction of it all? I am not going to settle for something that sounds good in paper and give up the most important aspect of a relationship: love.Love shows itself not only through words but also through feelings that the right person arouses in us. The right one will reawaken these hidden feelings and emotions that have been lost for so long, in fear that our fragile hearts will no longer cope with, if unrequited.

Love is something we always have in mind. I received a lovely call from a dear friend today: Leo. We talked about where we are at in our lives today and where we are headed. When it comes to relationships, we both laugh out loud about the people we end up meeting or generally come across. Many times, we cannot really point out what we want, but when we come across qualities such as : shallowness, hypocrisy or lack of intellect, we immediately know that, that particular person was not meant for us. Will we ever know when the right person comes along? What if we miss them?

Patience continues to be a virtue and I am still working on it. I know if other women had a chance to go out with this man I just met, they would jump to it in a hear beat. Unfortunately I am not like most. I rather wait for the man that will provoke immense excitement in me. I will wait for the man that shows me arduous passion and feelings.  I will find him when my long-awaited epiphany appears. Then, and only then, I will know that he is the one for me.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Kassandra says:

    I would give it time girl. Feelings are fickle and influenced by so many other contributing factors. When I first met Josh I had no interest in dating him. In fact for a year I never saw him as more than a friend whose ear I could talk off LOL! For years I chased after that “feeling” that instant “spark” and many men later all I had to show for it was a wet kitty and a broken heart (not trying to be vulgar just real).

    Then one day it happened. I realized that I had feelings for him and we were going to be together.

    True love isn’t about that adrenaline rush and instant attraction you get for a guy, it’s about time. Love isn’t a feeling it’s an action. The right man for you will be someone you can count on through thick and thin. Something like that can’t be felt it can only be seen.

    So give the guy a chance, the worse thing that can happen is you end up with a really great friend whose ear you can talk off…and who knows, maybe one of those you have in your life currently will end up being the one after all ;)

    But don’t rush it. I know us ancients say it all the time but enjoy your singleness because once it’s gone the real hard work begins. No matter how strong of feelings you have for a man, no matter how good on paper he looks, once you’re married the game changes. I’ve given birth 4 times, served in the military, been on my own since I was 16 and let me tell you, staying married has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s been the greatest joy and the greatest pain, the most passion, the most confusion….it’s work. You can’t I repeat you absolutely cannot rely on feelings and emotions.

    You may be too young to relate to this part but I think of my first big love. I would have done anything and did do things for him that I never would have otherwise done. At one point I attempted to take my life over him. I felt so strongly for him, thought we were meant to be. Now I look back and say “what the HELL was I thinking?!?!” I used to want him so desperately and now all I feel for him is pity.

    I am by nature a feeler. I love easily and love hard. But sometimes you have to check that because you really can end up missing out on a great thing. Now if there is absolutely no attraction to the point a man repulses you then yes move on. BUT love is like a seed. Sometimes the plants that spout the fastest aren’t the best. Dandelions are a good example. They are a weed that’s sprouts almost overnight and dies just as fast. That is the same as a relationship founded on emotions. A mighty Red Wood tree on the other hand takes many years to grow but will last an eternity (in plant years).

    I’m not saying go into a relationship with someone you feel nothing for, but do give the seed time to germinate. Maybe he’s been hurt before and is cautious so he’s waiting to see if you’re the real deal before he let’s his feelings show. Its a phenomenon I will never understand because I can’t help but wear my heart on my sleeve no matter how many times I try to put on a “do not disturb” sign. It’s just not who I am but some people really do hold back initially. Maybe he’s a little shy and doesn’t want to put his foot in his mouth and ruin his chances with you. Give him another try and at least get a really great friend. Maybe he has a friend or brother you may end up with in the end. Never burn your bridges.

    I hope I’m not over stepping, I just read your posts and see myself at 22….then I start to feel old as heck LOL!

  2. Natalia N says:

    “The right one will reawaken these hidden feelings and emotions that have been lost for so long”- Amen, hermana! Love what Kassandra has to say too, and her advice may be on point at another time.

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