spon·ta·ne·ous/spänˈtānēəs/ is: Performed or occurring without premeditation or external stimulus.
Let me start off by saying that I excuse my compulsiveness on being spontaneous :)
Am I allowed? I’d like to think so. There are instances in our short-lived lives that we tend to let loose and do or say something that’s out of our routines, morals or norms. I was thinking about all the times that I have acted in a spontaneous manner and the results were likely not in my favor. Why? If you must know, it was because I was forcing myself to change. Now, I’m not saying that we have to follow a rigid strict guideline to live our lives, but I’m pretty sure that if I had not rushed into doing or blurting something out, then my life would be different right now. There have been many times that I feel as though I’m going against the traffic, always wanting to do or say something that most of my girlfriends would not. I tend to be a little more daring, outspoken and at times the only one that thinks it’s normal to take initiative as a woman. Why? I don’t see anything wrong with wanting to be the first to say “I like you” or “I love you” or “what’s your number?”. Why are women always waiting for the men to take initiative? I love to be spontaneous, even if the outcome is not at all what I was hoping for. Spontaneity is a risk we must take to trust our instincts and our gut. I think trusting our own inner voice is crucial to the decisions we make and the way we think. We can follow a strict guideline all we want, but the reality of it all is that whichever path you choose, will most likely teach you a lesson and that is the whole reason why we make mistakes and at times get what we want.
I would say that I have mistaken my spontaneity for compulsiveness when it comes to men. I was drinking a glass of wine with my dear friend Natalia a couple of days ago and we came to the conclusion that unbeknownst to me, I project eagerness instead of genuine interest. I guess when it comes to me liking a guy, I get so excited that the fact that I show interest in wanting to go out with them to a bar or get to know them better comes off as EAGER WEIRDO! WAHHH! :@ I had not seen it that way. Natalia explained to me that as bold and awesome as me taking initiative might be, men think we are psycho for wanting to take the first step and they run away. Ok, I am no stranger to rejection but what do men want!?!?!?!
I could write a book about all the stories I have of me taking initiative and getting rejected. The first rejection I can recall was by Danilo (Chilean guy friend I saw back in April). I had the biggest crush on him on second grade; I would purposely try to catch him during recess and would give him love letters. Sadly, he was not smitten by my crooked-teethed smile and tomboyish ways. I hope I have come a long way from that minor set- back on my style and hygiene. We get over people that were not meant for us, and with time we are appreciative of all the a**holes that let us go because we find the right man for us. I am not quite there yet hahaha! … But I am at the stage of being grateful for having wonderful girlfriends to b***h the living daylights out of guys with. Love is so complicating and yet so intriguing.
To conclude this post, I don’t care what the outcome might be, I will keep being spontaneous, daring, straight-forward and compulsive… because the man that is right for me will like me and eventually love me for my good qualities as well as my imperfections, whatever they may be.